*&^%($ Deleted?

As a writer, the infernal problem of whether to use the *&^(% -word is ever-looming. If you do, you lose readers. If you don't, you lose credibility. Picture this: Two members of MS-13, the notoriously vicious gang with ties to drug lords and even al-Qaeda, are discussing ...well, anything.

MS-13 #1: "Gosh, Paco, those mean guys from Zeta are cramping our style. I suggest we remove their private parts and stuff them in their darned mouths."
MS-13 #2: "Wonderfully-A!"

You get the idea. While I, like many of you, are worn to to a frazzle by a Soprano's conversation, we also have to realize that's just the way these folks talk. And that, my friends, is my solution to the entire problem: verbal cleansing.

Each and every mother in the entire world, and especially New Jersey, will be issued a large box of (organically made and pesticide free, of course) soap upon giving birth. Upon penalty of death, she will be responsible for washing out the mouths of children that utter bad stuff. Once all forms of scatological and genealogical terminology have been obliterated from the spoken word, we can then turn to the word, "like." I don't know about you, but I would, like, really love to see that word, like, erased.